The NJ Senate is Full of Turds

I now pronounce you happy and legal...I hope!

I apparently have a knack for ending up in states that knock down same-sex marriage rights.

On Thursday, the New Jersey Senate turned down a bill that would have legalized marriage for gay and lesbian couples. Proponents had hoped to get the bill passed before Gov. Jon Corzine, a Democrat, leaves office in two weeks. Corzine had promised he would sign the bill into law. His successor, Republican Chris Christie, said he would veto a gay marriage bill.

I wish I could eloquently explain why I think same-sex couples should be allowed to marry, but I can’t do it as well as others can. For me, it’s just something I feel is right, like anything else defies logic and decency. It’s a feeling that comes from somewhere within me, call it a soul or core or spirit or whatever. I think it’s the same place that feelings of love or laughter come from.

In any event, the Jersey vote is just another in a series of failed efforts on same-sex marriage, and it’s time the backers of same-sex marriage need to take a step back from the political system. In continuing to push for doomed ballot measures and legislation, marriage equality advocates are handing over momentum to their opposition. Each defeat gives people in other states and representatives from other communities a reason to think it’s all right to vote against equality.

It’s not right. It’s wrong.

But homosexuality is something still feared and misunderstood by large swaths of the population. As long as that fear exists, there won’t be the political will to change anything. Calming those fears is essential to building support for marriage equality.

That’s why New Jersey activists should take a page from Basic Rights Oregon, a group that has turned their sights away from the judge’s bench and the executive’s desk, and instead focused on the family dinner table. They’ve started a campaign called Marriage Matters, which asks everyday people to talk to their friends and family about why marriage equality is important to them and why same-sex couples deserve the right to marry.

 These people aren’t famous, or powerful, and they’re not trying to reach out to politicians or lobbyists. They’re reaching out to people they know, who trust their opinions on everything from music to relationship advice. These conversations aren’t going to change policy overnight the way a law or court decision would. But they are going to change public opinion over time, which will do more for the cause of marriage equality than any one vote.

But gay rights activists are tired of waiting. NJ.com quoted Garden State Equality chairman as saying: “We are not waiting out the term of any new administration to bring equality to same-sex couples in our state.” That frustration is understandable. But marriage equality will not happen without broad-based support (2/3 of all voters, not just those under 30). That support does not yet exist.

So. Since I’m apparently in the business of making New Year’s Resolutions, I’m going to change one person’s mind this year about same-sex marriage: my father’s. (Dad, if you’re reading this, consider yourself warned.) I’d ask all of you reader-folks to do the same.

Of course, if you don’t agree with marriage equality, I’d like to talk to you, too.